Rythm is a platform that is on a mission to strengthen the vulva-mind-spirit connection. We want to normalize a world where humans with vulvas have a better connection with their bodies, parts, and partners. For our blog series “Humans of Rythm,” we interview founders, thought leaders, and experts in the sexual wellness space and share their responses with you.
Dirty Lola is a sex ‘edutainer,’ speaker, and self-proclaimed dildo slinger. Known for her live sex ed, Q&A show Sex Ed A Go-Go and as co-host of New York Magazine’s web series “Sex Probz,” Lola has spent almost a decade working to end the stigma and shame surrounding sex and sexuality. Having started her journey sharing personal discoveries with polyamory and kink online, Lola now uses her knowledge, warm candor, and public platforms to teach the masses in person and to rapt Internet audiences.
In addition to her educational projects, Lola is also the creative director of Spectrum Journal, an online magazine offshoot of the female-owned online sex shop, Spectrum Boutique based in Detroit, and has brought her unique brand of sex-positive sex education to the Netflix docuseries The Principles of Pleasure and top brands such as B-Vibe, Spencers Gifts, and Math Magazine.
Learn all there is to know about our Dirty Lola, a luminescent Leo and sex edutainer below!
Where were you born, where did you grow up, and how was sex (the act) perceived in your culture/household?
I was born in Lexington, South Carolina and I lived between Lexington, Columbia, and Wagener (all in South Carolina). When I was fourteen, I moved to NY, where I’ve lived ever since. Growing up, we were in a house where nudity wasn’t a big deal because most of the time, it was just us kids and our mom, but sex wasn’t a thing we spoke about.
Unfortunately, I’m a sexual abuse survivor, so I was very aware of sexual things at a very young age, and my hypersexuality manifested as hyper curiosity about sex and bodies.
What’s a funny or embarrassing memory you have from when learning about or experiencing sex?
I didn’t really start experimenting sexually consensually until I was in high school. By that time, I had absorbed a lot of information about sex and bodies on my own, so I didn’t really experience the awkward sex moments that a lot of people my age have experienced.
Have you ever walked in on a family member ‘doing the deed’? Is there a funny, or interesting story you can share with us about your experience? How old were you when this happened?
When I was 17, I walked in on my mom having sex. To be fair, her room was our den… and she didn’t have a door. It was embarrassing for both of us.
What is your profession and why did you choose to pursue it?
I can’t really say I chose to be a sex educator and ‘edutainer’; I didn’t know either of those things was a profession that one could pursue. In a way, my career found me. I’ve pursued it all these years because sex education is so important and affects so many things – and adults are often left to figure it out on their own. I hope that I can help folks find their way through the mess.
What about your industry surprised you when you were first getting started? What is something about your industry that might surprise those who are not in your line of work?
There weren’t a lot of ways to become a sex educator when I was starting out, so we were all just figuring it out as we went along. Regarding the industry, I think folks would be surprised to know that many of the companies in the sex toy industry are family-run businesses and have been for generations.
What do you wish your caregiver(s) or guardian(s) had told you about pleasure, relationships, and the female body when you were growing up?
I wish they’d told me anything at all. There was definitely a lack of guidance and knowledge from my caregivers in these areas.
What was something you were surprised to learn about your body, relationship with self, and relationship with your vulva in the past decade? How has it changed?
I was surprised to learn that I could reach orgasm via internal stimulation. I had long accepted that just wasn’t how I climaxed, and as I moved through my life, I discovered I just hadn’t figured out how to make it happen. It opened me up to change my thinking about what I am capable of.
When do you feel the most empowered and alive?
When I’m on stage.
What is something non-sexual that brings you immense pleasure?
Things in miniature make my heart sing. Especially tiny food. OMG, have you seen Tiny Chef? It’s my favorite thing EVER. And have you seen the teeny sex toys they sell on Etsy? They made me squee with joy the first time I saw them.
What can a partner do to turn you on in and out of the bedroom?
Stimulate my brain. I love those good deep conversations about anything and everything that make you forget time and turn a coffee date into dinner. In the bedroom, I love dirty talk and a partner who knows how to check in and get consent while keeping it sexy.
How do you find your rythm in connecting with your body and self? What wisdom can you impart on us regarding lessons you’ve learned along the way to finding your rythm?
When I’m way off track, I need a ‘reset button’ day. Sometimes those look like a lot of resting, stretching, hydrating, and not working. Other times, resetting means cleaning and organizing my space. Over the last few years, I’ve learned to stop judging myself when I’m off track and remind myself that I know how to get back on. I’ve also learned to listen to my body and not wait until I’ve completely derailed to do mini-resets.
The most important lesson I can pass on is learning what you need and realizing what may help someone else find their rythm might throw you completely out of wack.
What is your favorite quote for ‘finding your rythm’ or ‘living in rythm’?
The Universe has laid out a path for me, and what belongs to me will come to me along the way.
What is your favorite song you are jamming out to these days?
The entirety of Beyoncé’s new album Renaissance.
What’s your go-to song to get in the mood? Or, what song helps you find your ‘sensual rythm’?
What is your favorite sexual wellness product that you can’t live without?
My Magic Wand and the Personal Fav Whet Sex Serum!
You can find Dirty Lola on the following platforms:
Gillian ‘Gigi’ Singer, MPH
American Board Certified Sexologist, Sexuality Educator, and Sex Ed Content Specialist