It’s likely you text your spouse every day. If those texts are mostly about when to pick up the kids or what kind of bread to get at the grocery store, you’re not alone. Marriage is a partnership and keeping the house/family/business going takes time and dedication from both partners. But what if one of those texts could be less about the daily grind and more about grinding in a sexy way? Here are five tips and tricks to getting started sexting with your spouse.

1. Start Slow

There’s no need to jump into the deep end when you get started sexting. Start off with some light flirting and playful banter to get the conversation going. A compliment is always good, so is a positive observation about what they wore to work, or how they wore their hair. Some examples could be:

“I noticed you wore the tie I gave you for your birthday to work today. I’d love to loosen it up for you when you get home.” OR, “Your hair looked so nice this morning. I love seeing your curls loose around your shoulders.” 

These types of texts aren’t overtly sexual but show your partner that you noticed them, liked what you saw, and are thinking about them. They are a simple flirtation that might open the door to something sexier.  

If you were to reply to one of these texts, it would be easy to heighten the intensity ever so slightly by responding with sexual innuendo or even sharing a sensual photo that’s not overly sexual. A pic of the end of your tie wrapped tightly around your fingers, or one of your curls resting gently against your lower lip shows you liked the text and want to keep the intimacy going. By adding photos, the texts become physical, intimate, and suggestive while remaining safe for work. And there’s plenty of room to build the sexual tension. 

2. Set boundaries 

Have a conversation with your partner about sexting styles and limits. Things may heat up quickly and you want to make sure boundaries have been established before desire takes over. Talk about what you’re both comfortable with and what you’re not. The goal is to avoid any uncomfortable surprises. Things to discuss:


      • What devices will you use for sexting? Try to steer clear of using a device your employer has access to

      • Establish that pics are intended for your partner’s eyes only 

      • Are there times of day that are off-limits? 

      •  Using a dedicated sexting platform can help with privacy and remind everyone to be careful when viewing. An app like Amorus can keep spicy texts and intimate photos away from other texting channels you may use for work or family 

    Setting basic ground rules can be part of the fun and build anticipation.

    3. Be creative

    Once boundaries are established, you can start to get your sexy groove on! Sexting is a great way to explore desires and fantasies, even if they don’t actually play out in the bedroom, so don’t be afraid to let your imagination go wild. Sometimes just talking about something risqué is enough to get the juices flowing. Here are some suggestions: 

    Play games

    A sexting app like Amorus has multiple games at the ready. Jigsaw turns a pic into a slide puzzle so that your partner has to do a little work to reveal that sexy image. A game like Fantasy Swipe uncovers shared desires in a fun, easy way that may inspire new fantasies. 

    Try describing sexy moments you’ve already shared

    Remind them about that perfect spot he kisses you or that hot phrase she whispers in your ear. This is flattering for your partner and provides positive reinforcement, making it easier to get the intimacy started.

    Get new conversation starters 

    Chat Sparks is a tool in Amorus that has hundreds of fun prompts like, “How do you love to be flirted with?” You may be surprised by what you learn about the person you think you know so well! 

    Tell your partner about something sensual or physical you do alone 

    Hearing about your partner taking a hot bath with peppermint oil, donning satin pajamas, or sweating through a tough workout creates space for fantasy and the potential for super seductive pics.  

    4. Use protection 

    Sexting is a great way to explore sexuality in a marriage, but it’s important to remember that it can also put you at risk for cyberstalking or other online dangers. Make sure you use protection when sexting, such as using a secure messaging app or keeping your conversations private. 

    Amorus encrypts your messages and never shares or mines your conversations. Pictures taken will never sync to a photo stream. The app also lets you ‘unshare’ a text/photo from BOTH devices if things get too hot.

    5. Have fun

    Above all else, remember that sexting should be fun! Don’t take it too seriously and enjoy the moment with your partner. This is just for you two, so if it’s not a good time, don’t do it. 

    Keep in mind that we’re all different in what we like – some people love words, while others respond more to pictures. Some people want to invent sexy stories and include role-play. Others want a quick, enticing ping in the middle of the day. All of it is great! Sexy conversations can help build intimacy, strengthen the relationship, and build self-esteem while keeping the sexual energy within a marriage alive and well. Why not give it a try?

    Written by:

    Elizabeth Dell

    Founder of Amorus

    Try Amorus, the app for spicy fun between known partners, by following this link.