Looking to feel more connected during sex? Let’s talk about it. Literally. Talk about sex. So many of us have been socialized to not talk before, during, or after sex. However, when we can express our preferences, desires, and turn ons through direct communication, we can have increased satisfaction and connection with our partner. Ask your partner questions, check-in with your partner, reflect together. Words of affirmation and positive reinforcement are great ways to exchange dialogue with your partner and increase comfortability as you engage in sex. When communicating, focus on trying to understand one another, and exploring how sex can be enriching and meaningful for all parties involved. 


Mindfulness, in short, is a practice of awareness towards our mind and body without judgment, but acceptance. Through individual and relational mindfulness, sex can feel more connected and intentional. Work with your partner to turn towards the present moment and connect with one another by noticing the physical and emotional sensations you experience when having sex. Tune in to what you are feeling, thinking, experiencing- and allow yourself to share those parts with your partner. Mindfulness is sexy and can lead to a deeper physical and emotional connection with your partner. More on Mindfulness

Sensual Focus

Sensual focus, or the act of touching and being touched can help increase connection. Mutual exploration of touch can increase mindfulness and awareness of ourselves and our partner, which can lead to a closer connection in and outside the bedroom. Notice the physical sensation of touching your partner, or your partner touching you. How does it feel? What would you like more of? Less of? Sensual focus can activate curiosity which can lead us to learn more about ourselves and our partner. 


Foreplay can serve as a catalyst for connection. Different types of foreplay such as kissing, touching, or hugging releases hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine that helps decrease stress and increase mindfulness. This can support you in feeling connected with your partner in the present moment. Communicate with one another about foreplay ideas you would like to try, and have fun exploring a deeper connection. Foreplay Ideas

Eye contact

Gaining comfortability around vulnerability is something that all of us relate to differently. Eye contact can help us feel more connected during sex by fostering deeper trust and allowing our vulnerabilities to be seen. Eye contact is shown to improve understanding; and when we can understand our partner more, we can feel more connected. Eye contact can be useful before, during, and after sex as a way to acknowledge your partner, and show them you care.  Eye contact and communication

Written By: Lindsay Huckaba, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Kick off your connected sex with In Tune, our card game for couples by Therapists.